12/01/2016

Time to share.

It's been a long time since I last wrote for this blog and I want to talk about it. Not in a 'heres a list of ferociously bad excuses for why I haven't been here' kind of way, but more in a 'wow my lack of posting has finally given me something I really want to post about' kind of way.

Evidently, I haven't written a thing for months, but its certainly not because I've had no ideas - my brain is quite frankly full of rubbish I could happily tap away at a keyboard for hours about - my absence is rather due to my lack of faith in the way I am able to express things. My mind is a whirring machine, constantly thinking, analysing, creating; desperately trying to make sense of my surroundings, desperately trying to find ways to share this with others. But it's also the very thing that repeatedly tells me that anything I try to do will fail, anything I try to create will not capture the hearts of others, any insight I begin to find will be futile. It's a battle against myself and I fear I have been allowing the wrong side to win. But I refuse to let that continue to happen. I refuse to let my thoughts remain thoughts. So here I am, for the first time in a while: sharing.

I feel it important to share. Not in the material sense, (though if Bill Gates wanted to start sharing bank accounts with me I wouldn't complain) but rather from a personal perspective. It's so very easy to keep things to ourselves. Whether this be an idea in class at school or a fundamental aspect of our personality, if we never let it out then no one else can see it and if no one can see it then no one can judge us for it. So we keep it in. We don't share the the fashion sense we wish we had the confidence to rock. We don't share the piece of art we spent hours crafting in the early hours of the morning. We don't share our take on the meaning of our existence. We don't share for we are scared, petrified even, because from the moment we are born we are conditioned to feel that way. Told over and over that we wont be good enough until we are sold. It was only recently that I figured out, in actual fact, that we are. We are all more than good enough.

With every minute that passes, with every person that comes and goes, the world is missing out on new ideas, thoughts, policies, plans, discussions, individuals and perspectives; losing out on so much beauty, so much art - and for what? Fear? Fear that something will go wrong, someone will disapprove? Fuck that.

The time has come for us to start to believing in ourselves. We must unlearn the lessons that have been taught to us. Teach ourselves that we are good enough, that anything we have to offer is worth sharing, no matter how big or small. Equally, we must begin to accept the ideas of others, inspire those around us that we are here to know, understand and accept anything that they have to share too.

It's been a while since I wrote and the struggle of self confidence inside my mind is far from over. But I'm ready to start fighting for myself, ready to try and release the fear I've held for so long and encourage others to understand that it's okay to do the same. I hope you can begin your own battle and fight for whatever it is that you're holding back. We have so much opportunity to share. If we just had the confidence to, imagine how colourful the world could be.

Anna C.